Welcome back, everybody! First, I want to thank you all for your support. Since launching this blog last week - I have received such nice feedback rather it’s been from here or social media (make sure to follow me on Instagram + Twitter to stay updated) I have really appreciated every single one of your stories and comments. Anyway, I am not writing this post to be sappy, the reason I am writing this particular post is to get you up to speed with where I am in this journey. I am going to cover months/cycles two through six. I am currently 7.5 months into this so after this post, I will post my month 7 part one update, promise!
This won’t be long because I can paraphrase since it’s no spoiler that I am currently not pregnant (as far as I know at least) Over the course of the first six months of trying, I’ve tried something different almost every month.
CYCLE TWO + THREE
I relied on a random website (I cannot remember the name) to tell me when I was ovulating which I now know this was not a smart move seeing as not every woman ovulates on day 14. Some ovulate early, on time, late, etc so how is that website supposed to know when I ovulate? Exactly. During both of these months I felt pretty heavy symptoms but now I look back and wonder how much of it was mental because I literally thought about pregnancy day and night to the point to where I wasn’t sleeping. I would feel severe cramping, backaches and headaches daily for about 3-5 days. I also now know that this could have been ovulation symptoms so I believe that I was thinking my fertile window was sooner than it actually was because I would often feel these symptoms days following the days we “tried”.
I invested in a pack of Clear Blue OPK (ovulation predictor kits) and I was not very happy about the price but I thought that I would do ANYTHING to get pregnant ASAP. I followed the instructions on the box and started to test around day 10 or 11 and once it showed that I was fertile, we did the deed just as we were supposed to. We literally “tried” on all the right days. The strange thing is, I felt no symptoms this month. I now wonder if it’s because I was a bit more educated on what was happening to my body. The only issue we had with this month is that my husband was working overtime and was really tired so on my peak day, we were unable to BD (baby dance) because he was literally so tired. But, from my research the best day to actually do the deed is 5 days before ovulation which we did. And I still was not pregnant. I felt pretty upset this month and I think that other than the first month, this was the first month I felt pretty depressed over it. To this day, this is the lowest I’ve gotten about TTC. I think that using the kit and knowing that I had did what I was supposed to do, really put a lot of stress on me. This could very well be a reason why I was not pregnant that month.
I was getting discouraged because during the past month I literally did everything I was supposed to do. I put my legs in the air for twenty minutes while elevating my hips after baby dancing included and still, nothing. The first thing I did when my period started (ending my fourth cycle trying) was joined a support group on Facebook. I belong to a few Facebook groups because of shows I watch or podcasts that I listen to and one of the groups has a subgroup for women who are TTC. So I already had a common ground with these ladies because we like some of the same stuff so I thought why not. This has been the smartest thing I’ve done to date because it instantly helped me. Anytime I feel discouraged or down, I can vent to them and they totally understand it. It also put this whole thing into perspective because some of those women have been trying to over 6 months, over 1 year, and some three years or more and it’s heartbreaking to read their stories. I know that I have every right to be upset over my failed attempts but thinking about those strong women, make me feel more for them which really helps me. With that being said it can also have the opposite effect and make me feel afraid of what’s to come but I am trying to take this one cycle at a time. Anyway, I did not use OPK this month because the mental state it put me in the month prior was horrible but after reading a lot of success stories in my Facebook group, I downloaded the Glow app and filled out my information. I added past cycles and everything so it could be as accurate as possible. During the fifth month, we were unable to BD as often as I would have liked so I wasn’t too surprised that I wasn’t pregnant. My husband had to go out-of-town for the night and the night that he was away, my period started, meaning I was not pregnant. I took some time to myself and let myself cry it out. Each month, this emotion seems to get heavier. When I spoke to my husband before bed, I let him know because to be honest, after the fourth month I started to feel so bad that I had to tell him this every month. I just get nervous about it and cannot explain why. We made the decision that during the six month trying, we would BD as much as we possibly could.
My six cycle trying to conceive was just this past month, ovulating in December and period in January. We kept our promise to each other and really gave it a good shot. I’ve learned not to be too optimistic because I had already been disappointed five different times. Can we also talk about how the months fly by because you are trying to conceive so weeks become important? It’s ridiculous. Anyway, we BD a lot before my fertile window and during and still did not come out on top, which was sad. This BFN was the first time I had cried in front of my husband about it. I really opened up about how I was feeling and was very vulnerable. My husband, bless his heart, isn’t an emotional person. When I get emotional, he doesn’t really know what to do so he sometimes gets a little awkward. He handled this one well because he was feeling disappointed to and I honestly didn’t know just how upset he was. It was a great moment in our marriage to open up to each other about how sad we were that we hadn’t created life yet.
You know, in this journey so far, I often feel alone. I get scared to take a test because I don’t want it to negative and that’s okay but I often have to remind myself that my husband is in this too. Just because he isn’t worried about percentages, statistics, days past ovulation, etc, doesn’t mean that he isn’t as upset as I am when it’s all said and done.
Something you can learn from my first six months of trying is NOT to spend $20 a month of the Clear Blue OPK. I have read that the cheap sticks on Amazon (I think you can get 50 count for $10-$20) work just as well but if you don’t want to stress yourself out, don’t use them. I just didn’t do well with them.
If my seventh cycle trying to conceive is not a success, I do plan on trying OPKs again and will purchase the amazon ones.
Also, one last note, I would love to hear your TTC journey! Please don’t hesitate to comment on any of my posts, email me, etc. I love hearing from other women who are in the same boat as me and I love hearing success stories too!